The road less travelled. Robert Frost said that he took the road less travelled and that was probably the best thing that happened to him. But what if it wasn't? What if Edison had stopped trying and given up? How far is too far? Leap of Faith, probably the most inspiring phrase and even more difficult to act upon.
They say 'Settle for nothing less'. But how do we tell? How do we know that this is our calling? How do you know if you must "Let it go and move on" or "Don't give up?" Or is not knowing and finding yourself 10 years down the line, part of the plan?
What if I live my entire life oblivious of my calling because I've put my faith completely in the hands of The Universe. You know, the universe! The one which SRK talks about in Om Shanti Om, wherein if you truly love or aspire something then the universe will conspire to make it happen for you, no matter what. It's the dedication that counts.
I find myself questioning my future every second day. More like every second. If I'm not worrying about it, then I'm worrying about WHY I'm not worrying at all. What could I have done differently? A different course, more hardwork maybe? Writing, talking, acting up my antics? What if i had studied hard? Would I be a doctor by now? A theatre artist? A waitress? An environmentalist? One of those people who inspire us on TED Talks? Did I get carried away by people who were too kind or encouraging, who lead me into believing that this was the only shit I was better at? Better, not good. There's a difference.
Being seemingly average at things is good, but when someone calls you better, you gain that headweight that you are above somebody. Better than somebody. That's when you start comparing. Sorting people out. Judging them, in your head. Cause you know, you could have done it in a better way.
That attitude. The self proclaimed prize we all give ourselves. Nobody talks about it.
Haan, I speak better English.
I could have planned it better.
I could have planned it better.
That math was easy as a cake.
I could have pulled that off wayy better than her.
He doesn't know what he's talking about. I can tell.
Yea, as if clicking some 20 photographs is gonna make him a pro, please.
Here's the sugar- There'll always be a smarter person in the room than you. What then? I find it intimidating. I mean, how proud I was knowing I was better than others. Not anymore. Time to crawl back into that hole I came out of. Anyways, coming back to bad career choices, I don't know!
I feel so lost at times. Clueless and empty... I want everything at once. And sometimes nothing at all. How has everyone else got this thing called life figured out for them? I'm a wreck! It's just pathetic how I pick myself up every day and push through it. Minute after minute, day after day. I have no purpose, no aspiration. I have nothing to look forward to. I'm such a waste. There's so much I could be doing, teaching, learning, but here I am, at the end of the rope.
Universe, if you're really listening to me, help me out, will ya? I'm passionate about many things, I'm interested in everything, I just don't know which way to go.
*sighs*
