The lives that we live- I am...

So here we are, five years since I've created the blog. I thought once I start, I'll pour my heart out to the world. Well, I am lazy, no wonder that didn't work out. So here we go

About me, then. I was born in Margao, Goa in the year 1993. Was never a fussy eater or a sportsperson or talented or a bookworm... The list is too long! I'm a waste, to be precise. I grew up in Benaulim, near the beach. I wasn't the girly types though. Never. I would lie, cheat and cry my way out of everything. Reason why my brother hated me as a kid. My grandmother was my greatest strength and my only weakness. We were a small,  well-to-do family and our parents always tried their best to keep my brother and I grounded and in sync with reality.

My dad,  the love of my life, left Karnataka more than 25 years ago to be something different along with his wife. From running a laundry, driving kids to school and back, running a canteen to finally setting up a restaurant, he kept going on and today runs a successful Bar and Restaurant in Margao. My brother has always been a genius, good at studies, art and sports, everything I never was and never will be. Mom's always been the paranoid,  religious, conservative woman, taunting me for being a 'fat-ass' and not so 'womanly', much to my disappointment. I cannot complete my family intro without of course mentioning Moti, my canine version. She's an adorable, big eyed, hybrid Alsatian, almost like Courage, the cowardly dog.

Coming back to me,  I wasn't the spoilt, only-girl-of-the-house daughter. I clearly remember loving vegetables and Pomfret more than anything in the world. I was always a talkative child, still am (tehehe) and would always dread the day of results during my School days because the teachers would complain so much to Pappa!

I hold grudges, remember all the things that have hurt me, definitely have a sensitive (more like dysfunctional) tear glands, rude and possess a wicked sense of humour! I guess my problem is that I get way too excited about things, or merely the idea of things! Naturally, that doesn't last long either. I'm too quick to judge, trust and believe. My brother once made me believe for a great length of time, that George Costanza from Seinfeld actually shaved his head for the series for 10 years to suit his character of a stout bald guy. Yes, that happened for real!

I've always been made fun of because of my height and surprisingly, I still haven't been able to come to terms with it. I think the last time someone actually went ahead to say that I'm vertically challenged! -_-

I am short tempered and sadly just can't digest the fact that someone actually might not see things from my point of view. I hate losing an argument and being disagreed with. I am not the, "Ok, let's just agree to disagree" *shakes her head negatively with a sharp gaze* At times I feel I need to be more than just a dot in the universe, but I am so hopeless that I can't even come back with one good reason to be looked up to. I've also been told that my problem is that I expect things in return, a favour, a gesture, a thought, a deed? I don't understand, why won't you return kindness and timely help? Don't you believe in Karma and the Universe? If i ever do something good, I do it out of sheer belief that someday, when I'm in need of aid, some stranger will come to my help.

I'm an emotional wreck! Biggest drawback! Tears come as naturally to me as a smile to a child(or hunger). I'm ever-ready!  I cry at climaxes, touchy dialogues, death and out of anger! I'm not witty during arguments, so I just end up crying and what comes out is this crazy mix of hiccups, sniffs, retardness, sobs and loosely tied words that come out with great difficulty. 

I genuinely hate people who are mean to others for no reason. Like, you didn't have to say that! or make fun of this,.. People should just mind their own business or just get a life. How often has someone just said or done things that just ruin my day and I end up spending the day despising myself and doubting my confidence. The challenge is not education or manners, its values. You become what you read, watch, talk and listen! I think parents have a great deal of responsibility upon themselves in bringing up their kids in the most adjustable circumstances. Yes, adjustable! That is what we need. Not the "main jootha nahi khata", "I've never lived away from mom", "I can't eat anything with coconut" or the "I can't live without my sanitizer and AC" types of people. 

I wonnder how they'll adjust and live with the fact that at some point of time, you'll have to give in and camouflage. That's enough about me! Let's move on...